Things have been going so well lately that I knew they had to be coming to an end. My friend is talking to me again, but things still aren't great. My thing now is the slap in the face of reality.

I was really falling for a guy (and its more and more every day..). Relationships never work out for me and I have no idea why I thought this one might. He probably doesn't even give a shit bout me and from what I know he has a girlfriend and doesn't that just make things peachy. I really enjoy talking with him and hanging out and everything, so therefore I am really looking forward to the coming few days.

You are probably thinking well that's no biggie. Well, for me it is. It's HUGE!!!! Plus, this weekend should be very special for me and I should be looking forward to my 18th birthday. Don't you agree? Birthday's are usually fun and happy events. Well, considering that practically every year my BEST FRIENDS forget (and like hell I am going to remind them...) and it just plain sucks. I never have a party, or have a good time. I always end up alone or trying to help somebody out with their problems when I just wanna scream at them to go to hell. It's not nice I know, but frankly.... I am always there for people and I always put them first. Then when something happens... I think that I should come first for at least ONE day of the freaking year! Everything always comes down to helping others, doing what they want, etc etc etc. Just because I am a good friend and I don't wanna fuck things up like I normally do. But for once, can't a gilr have a good day, free of bullshit *ahem*, free of other peoples problems, and just have a good time? I just want it to be good. I want people to remember. I don't want to wait around asking myself if they did remember. Then I look back and I remember the people that have invited me to their parties. They invite you so you have to bring a present. But do you get anything back when it's your turn? Well, maybe the rest of the world does, but I sure as hell don't.

I know that nobody reads this and I don't give a shit. This is for me, and in some once in a life time chance that somebody is actually reading this and heaven forbid actually cares... for you other people. If you care on here, why don't you care in real life? Like seriously. Ok, so I don't care if I get anything because there is only one thing that I want (whihc happens to be a certain someone) and I can't have it. So there is no point in even hoping. But if you are reading this, and this has reminded you. Please try to remember until Sunday when it becomes vital. Even saying the world will do. For me.... all I want is a hug. That would do me for I know that I won't get anything else. All I want is a hug from that certain person that doesn't even realise that I exist, but if he does, then he certainly doesn;t give a shit. But if he does, then he certainly hides it well and I hope that he stops hiding it because it is slowly killing me.

Ha, if there is anything left to kill inside me. All the people that have lied to me, betrayed me, used me, left, etc etc etc etc etc etc etc. Thay have all done a wicked job of murdering my very soul. But you know what, there is one peice of me left. And it belongs to you. It is special because it is all I have left. And it is special because it hold all of my growing love (surprising that I m even still capable of it..) for you.

Now that I have rambled (not that it matters because nobody reads this trash!!!), I suppose I shall go now......