Hell! I think it has only been a COUPLE of months since I last posted. But get this, there isn't much to say. It'll prolly be a long post just cause, but it's gonna be a bit o ramblin.

School was a living hell. I seriously have no idea how I made it through an entire first year. Second semester was a heck of a lot worse than the first and that is pretty bad. The people were awful, the teachers all had their heads up their asses, and jesus I can't even describe it. I am so fuckin glad that it is over with. I never want to go back their again, and I have no intention of doing so. I may go back to some school somewhere, but it will NOT be NSCAD or any other place in NS. It was a total waste of money, and time, and energy. I was so completely drained its not even funny.

Aside from school, nothing much has happened. My co-owned threatened to see Cedar on me so thankfully my room mate allowed me to have him at the house. He was such a doll, and if it wasn't for him I don't think I would have made it through last semester. With all the crap going on plus getting super sick.. it was hell.

In February I went to my first ever Westminster Dog Show. WOW!!!! It was great! Well, once I actually got there... I was snowed into Montreal for 2days before I finally flew into NYC. But it was great. My only regret, coming back. I wish I could have stayed longer. It is such a great city and it was great being in such a great show with so many amazing people.

My birthday finally came around. Nobody noticed as usual but it did happen and now I can be included in bar trips. But who in their right mind will invite me.... :S
Thankfully, some people did remember and they came to party with me. Yeah, yall remember that party I was throwin? Yall missed a fuckin good one! Yall a bunch of losers, that's all I can say. Kim was the only one to come see me or even make an effort to see me. And, she brought the best surprise ever! Joey came to my party. Any of you feel bad? She came back from GERMANY for two weeks. One of which was my birthday.
Needless to say, we partied our asses off for 4days straight. I of course kept going until the very day that I moved but anyways...

Getting to that point. I am moved again and will be here until July at least. The way things are looking, I may be here until September. During the fall I should be gone somewhere, hell knows where.

Anyways... nobody reads this so I'll shut up now. People start thinkin ya crazy if you keep talkin to yourself all the time...

Well hasn't this been messed up? lol. Been interesting I will say that, but otherwise, I feel like a chicken runnin with its head cut off.
Talked to lotsa old friends this week which has been fab! Jas and the gang called me on Christmas which totally fixed my day. :D

Anyways.. things are going much better. I'm not confused anymore. YIPPEEEE!
But other than that... I am bored and I am blabbing. so Ciao!

Merry Christmas? What the hell is that... Merry my ass. Happiest time of the year for who? I certainly don't know! More like living hell!
I feel like total shit and I can blame it completely on one person and they have the fucking nerve to call me today. Isn't life bad enough without you fucking trying to weave your way back into an ancient picture thats been burned? Just go away!!! I don't need any more fucking stress ontop of everything that is going on.

Ya know, I kinda thought my family would be happy that it looked like I might actually for once have somewhat of a life, and yet here I am again, WRONG! Of course I didn't want to be there for dinner today, yall eat like cows! I wanna be with a family. Look up the definition on that one. My family is that of my own choosing, not of blood. Because blood relations can all bite! You've all been nothing but a pain, I can't stand it.

Things were looking up for awhile, and I admit I was the happiest girl on earth. *KABOOM!* My life goes straight back to hell. Do I know what is going on? Of course not, I never know! Confused? Hell yes!
All my life I have pushed people away because, yes I have issues that I need to deal with which are slowly being solved. And now, for the one time in my life that I actually want to know somebody, to not fuck up, to actually be happy! not just the daily mask that so many of you seem to think is the real me. I have no idea what is going on. Anytime that I hope for something, it blows up in my face. So am I hoping? Of course I am, I can't help it. But will it last? Nothing ever lasts... The greatest thing that has ever happened to me and I have no idea what is going on.
I know that I am not the only person with issues, and nobody knows about them. But do I flaunt it? no. Do I try to explain? Yes! I just want to understand... I want clear explanations. A movie-esc life script where I can predict the ending, and I know that everything will be alright. But this isn't a movie, and this isn't a typical life.

What the hell am I talking about.... I have no clue...:( I have a life-because I have a pulse. I have a family-small due to circumstances but still a family. Jesus... I have no idea where I am going with this.
This probably seems totally off the wall, but yall don't read this shit anyways so it doesn't really matter. I am just clearing my head. Well, trying to anyways.

Lets try this again. Things aren't going so great at the moment, but in ways, things couldn't be better. For once in my life, I experienced a moment of happiness that will last forever no matter what happens. A brief but shining moment giving a sliver of hope to a very dark world. Should this leave, I won't regret it...but it will follow me. I have found something that for me is unreachable and unchallenged by any other. Sounds foolish doesn't it? Someday, I hope that you can find that. It is the best feeling in the world. Pain may accompany, but that is a fact of life. I feel gifted to have felt this and I hope with all my essence that it never goes away. Because I know, that for the rest of my life, I will never be the same. I am forever changed, and I thank you for it.

This still isn't turning out the way that I wanted it to. But I know this much for sure... I am highly confused right now but am very clear on one thing. But I know that if I say it, it will go away, just like everything else always does. A hope, a dream, turns any good thing into but only the briefest of moments. I know what is going on with me, I just need to know what is going on with the rest of the world....

Hope your holidays are much better than mine....

Well, it is that time of year again.. yall know what that means. Absolutely nothing! hahahaha.
Why do they call it the greatest time of the year? It's horrible. All the wasted energy and time and not to mention the money! And those of us who care not to remember some things are forced to relive them.

This past week I have been at the kennel. Playing with zillions of puppies!!:D YAY! Training and grooming and decorating and all that fun stuff.
But other than that... any news? Not really....:(
Hopin to go to the movies tomorrow... but that's hopin. And yeah, I am just totally bored out of my mind that I am blabbing about absolutely nothing more than usual. So I'll stop.

Happy Holidays and blah blah blah blah blah.

Well hasn't this been absolutely fantastic?
Where did I leave off, 3 months ago? lmao. wouldn't surprise me at this point so lets see if I can catch up a little bit.

School is going, and I am finally home for the holiday break now. I still hate it, because of the people. Damn them! But otherwise it is good. Good grades and teachers, so that is what really matters.
Been lots of ups and downs going on and lots of really bad decisions..... :-( Besides the choice to come to this school, there has been oh lets see Dhruv (sorry I totally over-reacted, it is better off this way and I see that now along with other things, was totally fun while it lasted so hey:)), Jerry and Shawn (we totally will not go there!), then came Kris...(what a total fuck up that was!), but now... hell I hate to jinx so I will briefly explain that things are going very well in my mind and I am super happy right now. I have met someone totally amazing and have never been happier. It is a good decision for once in this messed up year and am really looking forward to seeing how this all plays out.

Besides all that, I took a flying trip to Massachusettes a while back the end of November. I found out Monday night and left Tuesday morning. What a ball. I left notes for all my teachers (far too much catch up!) and took off. I met tonnes of great people. Handlers and owners, top dogs and such. I really got my face out which was fabulous and I really needed it for hopes of next summers job prospects. There were some icky parts as always, but Shelby and Carol got me through.
We hit the restaurants on many nightly outtings and talk about bringing the house down! We got waiters in trouble, food fights, bottles of tabasco and halopinios, maps and drinks. I am telling ya... we almost let completely loose. But hell were there lots of numbers offered, hahaha suckers!
I got totally sick on the way home and fell really far behind. That hit me for 3 weeks. Then hit me full force again and now I am hopefully recovering now because otherwise there will be hell to pay!
I should be going out to the kennel this week sometime, dunno when yet but yeah.

Today was great! Spent all day in town with Darcy and Dan and totally got myself kicked out of 2 restaurants for no reason, ok age... So that makes 3 this week! Oh yes.. that incident. We had a party after studio and we got kicked out for age and hit another pub. Totally excluded. Talk about humiliating. Very bad idea to go. When in fact it was a good idea because I thought I was becoming friends with people and that things would change, but I guess not. Needless to say I left early to go home.

So yes, things have been very interesting, both good and bad and the inbetween. Things as I say look to be looking up so lets hope it stays that way and that everything works out for the best. Hope be do more updating soon, here and on the site so look out for it over the break.
Thats enough for todays blabbing. I started talking and you can't shut me up. ;-)

Jeez, how long as it been? Long enough I assuming. This whole "no internet" thing is driving my bezerc!
So you may be wondering what I'm up to. How about, a whole lotta absolutely nothing. Literally. This past however has just been bad idea after bad idea. Only good thing? I've got good grades. Woopie ding. Why does that matter when the rest of your life is falling down around your head? Absolutely nothing!
I don't talk to anyone (ie-no internet) and the people at school? Forget it. Who knows who the hell pissed in their cornflakes, but damn... It's ridiculous. Me, of all people, with no friends in my classes. Can you say "pathetic loser"? I can!
I've had a mass number of doctors appointments, as usual and I now get to add tendonitis (get this-from too much drawing and writing!) to my list of ailments.. If I live past 30, I will die of astonishment.
So, school sucks, living arrangements sucks, people suck and I am wasteing away to nothingness. And who cares? NOBODY. hahaha very amusing.
Who the hell I am, I have no idea anymore. I'm no fun, I'm quiet (yes, I DID just say that), and I have no life. I live in Hali and I have no life, is this even possible? Is for me. Go figure. I Finally get away and life is worse than it was before. Great... What the hell is wrong with me?

I just totally realised that I never said somehting that every person says when they reach a certain point.

YAY FOR NO MORE HIGHSCHOOL!

YAY I AM OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!

Now tha I have that out of my system.. :-P Things are going well, as well as they can anyways. Friends round here can bite. Nothing to really say at this point though... Still on cloud nine and feelin great after this past weekend. I am sooooo hoping that it rains on the fair (sorry guys) so that they ahve to shut it down and that they all come to visit me in Truro. :-D Long shot I know, but hell we have so much fun. Just wait till the spring and summer... this place aign't gonna know what happened!

Oh, can you believe that one of my teachers called me "one of those quiet ones" HAHAHAHAHA People are insane.

Oh, and by the way, they are NOT sleezy people. If you actually got to know them, you would know that. :-S Grrrr.

Jeez it's been a long time hasn't it?
Well here is all the bix\z that has been going down, if it's biz at all.

Now living it up in Halifax and going to school. Classes are good and teachers are real artists for once! :-O The people, we won't go there. I dunno whuts up all their butts, but needless to say Miss Loner here is doin her thing in Loner town.
Spent this past weekend at the Fair and what a ball! No snotty people, just everyone out havin a good time. Shout out to Shawn (your damn near as crazy as me) and Jerry (what can we say about that hotness, besides DAMN!) So yeah, great weekend and can;'t wait to hang out with them all again soon. Too bad I got a show this weekend, otherwise I'd be over with them at the Ex.
Gonna have some stories comin up here soon, just because this weekend was so fantastic. Everything changed for me, in a good way and I've NEVER been happier. Yeah, that's right, you heard me, NEVER.

Have you ever had one fleeting moment that has changed your life like nothing you ever dreamed? Well, that is wha happened to me. I did things and said things that I have never done before and it was amazing. I know more about me now then ever imaginable and now know what I am capable of. Gimme till next summer and yall have no idea what hit ya. Sides that I'll be hittin it up hopefully with a certain someone. Yes, I know.. had a bad end to the summer (which is all fixed by the way- still friends, and it's all good) and already I'm moving on. But this time is different, Instant attraction, total flirtation, and a grand old time. I had no idea that person lived inside of me, but now she's alive, kicking and ready to storm the town. I may never see him again, or hear from him, but I don't care. I'll never love this way again. ;-)

So anyways, life was bottom of the drain but now I've got a light leadin me on. Life is good no matter how bad it gets. And YAY I finally have some friends and they like me for who I am. The craziest part of me, they all kinda flocked to it. What a ball. I can't get it out of my head.
There will be a portion to the website once I get access to that kinda stuff and yall can kinda meet the gang and see my wonderful photographic abilities. :-D hahahahaha

Ciao!

Still on this note.
You knew what honesty meant to me. And hell was I open and honest and you lied to my fuckin face!
I hope that you fuckin read this and realise what kinda shit you've done because this is just... just *throws up hands and walks away*
I don't want to hate you. And I'm sure some time I won't. But at this point, I want you to realise what you have done and hell I hope it hurts.
And frankly, I knew that there was some reason unknown to myself why I didn't trust you. I should begin to listen to myself shouldn't I?

Sounds good to me. Myself is sayin no more guys. I like that idea. Not like I got any takers anyways, so that's an easy one. Openess-there goes that out the window. What yall know right now is all your ever gonna know cause I aignt spillin no more. Don't expect to know what's goin on either. That's flyin out the window with it.
Yall wanna chat or hang out? Have fun with that. I aign't spending my time on it.No of yes will call anyways so what's the point in even sayin this one? Oh I know, to make myself feel better, maybe somebody might ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT.
You know what, fuck you all. I am so sick of all this bullshit that I am gettin from people that I aign't dealin with it no more. You got problems, deal. The doctor has left and she aign't coming back. You need a friend, be a friend first and I might give you a thought, might that is. I aign;t takin no more of this crap. I aign't tryin to talk to none of yous, and I don't give a shit whats goin on in your all lives. This is my life now. I am going to live it my way without unecessary baggage. I have enough fuckin prolems of my own, I don't have to deal with all this too.
Good bye, so long. Have fun and have a nice life.
*packs bags and moves*

Ok, so I have to vent. Nobody is online at this point to help me, therefore the Blog is going to have to suffer.
I don't know what I am at this point but why the hell didn't I see it coming? I should have known from the beginning that it would be just like all the rest of them. Lead um on, have a good time, then drop them on their asses. That all I get around here. Normal day in the life of me.
So here I am, finally happy for once in my pitiful life, and it has to come crashing down around me at some point right? Of course it does. Right before everything. An important show, before school and before I move. Makin plans, tellin lies, leading and leadin and leadin. And everyone made him out to be such a great guy. I am sorry if I am trashing you at this point, but I don't give a fuck. I cannot believe the way that you handled this whole fuckin thing. I seriously can't. Now I see that you weren't any different from any other asshole of a guy in the world. Unfucking believeable. I Can't even put things into words. Very few things top being how hurt I am at this very moment, and unfotunatly and to my stupidity you now know some of those things that top it.
I dare care what happens after this, because unfortunatly this is a fact of my life that I have learned to deal with. Just know, gimme a lot of time to cool down and things will be fine eventually. I still can't believe this. I hope that you are reflecting on how you handled this and yes, I agree with what you called yourself.
You have no idea what that can do to a person, and frankly you shot me up just to shoot me down. And don't deny that you didn't see it coming.
I can't fucking do this.

If I'm not talkative for a bit, no worries. I'll get over this. I always do somehow... Hell I need a drink, and another trip to Ontario to cool down. You know, would have been a lot easier if this had happened a LONG time ago, say when you left and summer really started. Then I may have retained some of my sanity or at least regained it and I could have had a roll or two while I was gone as well. Again, you have no fucking idea. And I mean that in so many respects you can't ever imagine.